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My head hurts. Dunno y...
O level's is a week away! Numbness feeling, excited, fearful, happy, sad. Since there is such a mixture of feeling, i shall call it numbness feeling..
Yahweh, my friend!!! Where are u? U always remind me that u never leave me when i seek u. Without fail. That reminder is always so comforting, but at times, the trouble is still there and i seemed to have drifted away. Eventually i came back to my senses. Let my heart not be troubled, I will not falter! I guess X-japan's for me now, their guitar solos excellent, blends perfectly wif my feelings. Why am i feeling that i had lost everything? I didn't rip my prelims off, instead, i juz get another "HEARTBREAKER". I juz love to ignore my family members, WTH is wrong wif me. There are much more problems. When i face those problem, i get a stupid feeling. That kinda intense fear, the frustration, the saddistic thoughts, evil thoughts, staring into blank space, recollection of memories, thoughts of wretched futures, wanting to kill youself. Deadly! No one can ever face problems by himself without becoming mentally retarded. Its the best of times when i actually feel that i lost everything, REALLY everything. Ill tell u why: i have nothing more to lose already. But i think i havent really lost everything yet, i will never lose the spirit in my heart. Well, thats that only thing i can depend on. Every FUCKING thing has failed me, or rather, i failed them. But that spirit in my heart has not failed me, and neither i had failed him because of the sacrifice of "him". I wonder why arent i rejoicing when i know that i have not lost or will never lose the most precious thing in the world.
I can kinda have a little feel of how Jesus felt on the cross. But hes is the ultimate pain, no one can ever experience that. After all hes the greatest and thats y hes is the worst.
Jesus is my everything, no FEARS! Anywhere i find lack, he fills it up. No WORRIES!
[ 9:28 AM ]
