Gosh!!! Im spent quite a lot of time with the rat this few days. I guess the rest of you guys are just busy studying ur asses off, OMG, except nick who claims to be the math and science God i think... O well, being too optimistic is bad cos i tend to get all noisy, being too pessimistic is bad cos i tend to go to the extremes like no getting and A1 for math. Ahh, juz be normal, heck the paper, discuss at minimal cos i cant help it!!!
Play pool with Rat and M.E. The rat and M.E. is super childish la!!! Small things also quarrel. M.E. is a dam smart guy but he is dam stupid either, LOL. I dun noe how to put it. I cant tell if the rat is really relaxed or what. He calls me everyday and set up a conference between M.E. and reko. He dont even study till a few hours before the paper. I might also do that, but him doing that is so screwed up. He has been playing for the past year and not do anything bout his work, well except for maths. Ive gotta give him the credit for that, cos he suck at math and he managed to get out of the failing cycle to an Ace. Who cares, I guess he and M.E. just have to figure a way out. I really think that those 2 shits are dam retarded. Ill admit that they both are above average, but they didn know how to use their time to study. Instead, WOW everyday.
Im going to start violin!!!
Most of my papers are over, left with SS, Phy and chem multiple choice, chinese. Time for semi celebration. Oh man, im feeling kinda lax now, should i carry on with the serious mode or what??? I think i cant hold out for long, before i go super duper lax. Nah, i cant afford to do that. I think ill not study but i must not feel too good bout it.
I shant disclose the outcome of my papers, be it good or bad. Perhaps after the whole exam, ill disclose them.
DARE!!!
Ill end with this :The LORD take care of all my needs because he sent Jesus to be my anything and everything. I am rightous and therefore, I can recieve all the blessings from God, like the blessings the abram recieved! Im the beloved of God.
[ 10:28 AM ]
Me and my big mouth again. Yeayea, paper was easy, so what. Does that give me the right to to tell everyone that the paper was easy? I figured out that to shut up was a better reaction. Ahh, a flaw again. I will be less "noisy" in the name of Jesus. I dunno y keeping quiet is good, but in proverbs, it says so, so i guess it will be good for me to keep quiet.
I dun believe that i will not pass with flying colours, but even if i dun, God will still open doors for me. I can't fail...
Alien in a flying saucer. lol, this is juz my instantaneous thought. Grey flying saucer, little green one eye thing inside. The saucer is spinning with many couloured lights shinning. OMG, why is i tflying around me. Lol, with the infleunce of many movies, i think its gonna kidnap me. For what ever reason... Dreamland over, maybe nap or do maths.
Who cares... byebye, lets see what pattern will emerge the next time...
.........Snell's law........bb
[ 3:06 AM ]
I guess today is arts appreciation day. I watched movies related to music and dance today. spent the whole day doing that and certainly, playing my guitar. Each time i play my guitar, i feel as if im ill treating it. Nice guitar, but so skill. Sometimes I really wonder if such a fine guitar deserves such treatment. Perhaps, nothing comes without practicing. One day, the beautiful sounds will be unleashed. Do i need to feel guilty for not studying today? Im not so sure now, cos i know i do not need to but i am kinda feeling bad. Clinton asked me to help him in his work tomorrow, but i turned him down. I know that i should help him but i really want to reserve my morning for just myself and study. At night at belles place, i would probably offer to help him. Who ever out there who like blues, go and watch the movie "crossroads". Nice show.
Right now, im spending my time blogging, and listening to still waters. Nice feeling, no more rock and roll for me today.
I think the last thing for me to do before i sleep is to read up on my english notes.
Flux man, lol. cool word- "FLUX". A non vulgar word that expresses alot of feelings.
YOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOU
LOL. So many you's. Ahh, wadeva, off to english shhs shhs....
[ 11:11 AM ]
Why isnt anyone online at this time. Because everyone is sleeping. Hmm, i just finished my chemistry revision, tomorrow will be the finale of CHEMISTRY and the commencement of geography. BEETHOVEN, such fine music. I cant imagine what music will be like in heaven. I cant believe it, i woke up at 11 plus and played guitar till 4pm. Time just passes so quickly. I played ROCK and ROLL by led zeppelin and naruto theme song. Just practicing both songs takes me so much time, moreover, i did not learn the solo for rock and roll. Sad case for me.
Why am i staying up till so late everyday? Whywhywhywhy. I kinda feel uneasy when i stay up past 2, so quiet as if im the only one in this world. But there is a quietness that is so nice, no body can disturb me. I feel tired but i dun wanna sleep. Weired. I played chinese chess online today. i learned many things today. Worst thing is that i didnt step out of my house. Who cares, i kinda enjoyed my day. Cos i didn play dota.
Trying to squeeze that pimple of mine for the last half of the day and it juz wont give way. Tomorrow it will...Im tired now, so tired, my eyes are closing.
I look forward to sleep now. I can enter dreamland. HAHA, my dreams will be so sweet that ants would be attracted. Cut the long story short, sleeping nw.....
[ 11:49 AM ]
Jailhouse Rock!!! OMG, i acted as a conductor while looking at the mirror and it sucks. How do those conductor look so graceful when they perform. Who cares, leave those to the future. Lets do some ROCK AND ROLL now! Dance to the Jailhouse rock, CRAZY little thing called LOVE. Queen, to me the best lead singer ive ever seen. Or perhaps, i juz love his style. Slash the pentatonic shreddA, i juz like him so much. Is this call passion for ROCK? Who cares, i juz love the ups and downs, little jerks here and there, and of cos, the ear piercing guitar solos.
Ima a little butterfly in the pool. God, i suck at butterfly. I wanna swim like Ben Chua, OMG his butterfly is like aeroplane. HES FLYING!!! God will cause me to be a rocket butterfly, HAHA! Nice fantasy of mine, but it will happen. I want to do backflip, juz some sense of accomplishment for me.
Violin or not? Grrr...
I know that i am a beloved child and theres no need for me to compete with other people, i juz need to know that My God loves me. BUT, why do i like to compete so much. What the fuck am i trying to prove? LOL. Or maybe, im just being obsessed with being the best in what i do. Hmm, i like that.
Reactive -> unstable. my life is y=e^x. Hansel and Gratel, i love that childhood story. LOL. candy kids got cheated by the w(B)itch. LOL. chocolate houses, candy sticks. I used to think those are wax. Change the story of Hansel and Gratel from candy kids being cheated to candy kids feeding sheeps candy. LOL, i like that!
Let me take my guitar out and play now... and ROCK and ROLL~~~
[ 9:21 AM ]
Finished playing Dota... Organic chemistry ~.~
[ 12:05 PM ]
Bohemian Rhapsody, is that song that good? November rain, can that song be a little unrealistic? Heartbreaker, retarded song, the Guitar solo is tough. Mr. brightside, a not bad song. It ends tonight, a song of memories. Why do songs bring back so many memories, lol. i can remember my old days when i hear different songs, and the feelings of those incidents re-emerge. Friends come and go, once near, now far; once far, now near. Songs really bring back fond and bad memories of incidents that have happened in the past. The entire thing just come back except for the reality. Lets continue with songs, while scrolling down itunes. I guess im bored, cos i dun feel like doing anything. I completed cedar prelims chem just now, and i think im gonna burn tonight, i juz dun wanna close my eyes. Famous last words, juz brings back my NCC days. X japan and All-american rejects brings back the most tangible memories. But i think mr brightside is the song for me now. Its not the lyrics that make me feel good, but the music. My guitar is right beside me now, why dont i feel like playing anything. I feel that ive have let my guitar down because i nvr wipe it everyday and let the rain bully my guitar and play nice stuff wif it after being wif me for such a long time. LOL. zz, im listening to metallica now and it sux at this point of time cos this is not the time for metal. Paramore, crushcrushcrush, that song makes me feel that the singer is saddistic.
Hmm, why do i play dota when i dun feel like playing. This is serious issue cos i feel like im abusing myself. Thats super retarded. Is it the o level stress causing so much problem? SOLUTION!!!THE ONLY WAY!!!CANT U HEAR THAT IM CALLING U!!! I know that im not a crazy guy cos my heart tells me so. That problems i face now is DEADLY, im so vulnerable yet so invulnerable. I can choose from these 2 extremes. Fall so deep or Rise so high that nothing can touch me. Going down sounds so comforting whereas rising high is my nature already. God, why does being depressed or crazy seems so appealing? Juz the thought of being emo can really make one feel "SONG". Hmm, I had chosen to be invulnerable, another failure attempt by the ...
Sigh, I always say things that i dont mean to my mum. Like wanting to go to ITE, when thats not what i want. I told her i score 30 points for prelim which is bullcrap. She bought breakfast for me today, which made me feel so good.
OVERALL feeling NOW: that feeling of nothingless. This sounds so much that im running from reality, wahwahwah! Ill be honet i guess, cos no idiot will accept that there is such feeling of nothingless. Well, feeling empty is another thing all together. OKOK, i feel sad. Ill admit that ive lost everything except my heart. My sadness will go away because my heart, that i will never lose will cause my path to shine brighter and brighter untill the perfect day comes. Thats one thing that is worth rejoicing cos the GAME is not OVER. I guess ill just stand firm, hold my position, not falter, support the whole damn army. I cant afford to fall because its so near, approaching me. Know what, ill stand firm turning my back on those shiitt and ill raise a BANNER "the Lord will not forsake me". Sigh, im still feeling sad. Ill just remember this for today, the Lord make his face shine on me, lift up his countenance on me, and let his peace be with me.
Ill continue to play dota for now and perhaps study later. I can feel sad now too. In the midst of doing all these retarded stuff, i will cling on to U, heart. Just constantly remind me that u are with me while i do those stuff. LOL, i feel stupid yet i feel that i have all the wisdom of the world. Im the beloved aaron of God.
[ 9:44 AM ]
My head hurts. Dunno y...
O level's is a week away! Numbness feeling, excited, fearful, happy, sad. Since there is such a mixture of feeling, i shall call it numbness feeling..
Yahweh, my friend!!! Where are u? U always remind me that u never leave me when i seek u. Without fail. That reminder is always so comforting, but at times, the trouble is still there and i seemed to have drifted away. Eventually i came back to my senses. Let my heart not be troubled, I will not falter! I guess X-japan's for me now, their guitar solos excellent, blends perfectly wif my feelings. Why am i feeling that i had lost everything? I didn't rip my prelims off, instead, i juz get another "HEARTBREAKER". I juz love to ignore my family members, WTH is wrong wif me. There are much more problems. When i face those problem, i get a stupid feeling. That kinda intense fear, the frustration, the saddistic thoughts, evil thoughts, staring into blank space, recollection of memories, thoughts of wretched futures, wanting to kill youself. Deadly! No one can ever face problems by himself without becoming mentally retarded. Its the best of times when i actually feel that i lost everything, REALLY everything. Ill tell u why: i have nothing more to lose already. But i think i havent really lost everything yet, i will never lose the spirit in my heart. Well, thats that only thing i can depend on. Every FUCKING thing has failed me, or rather, i failed them. But that spirit in my heart has not failed me, and neither i had failed him because of the sacrifice of "him". I wonder why arent i rejoicing when i know that i have not lost or will never lose the most precious thing in the world.
I can kinda have a little feel of how Jesus felt on the cross. But hes is the ultimate pain, no one can ever experience that. After all hes the greatest and thats y hes is the worst.
Jesus is my everything, no FEARS! Anywhere i find lack, he fills it up. No WORRIES!
[ 9:28 AM ]
